Reflection on My 2014

This is really strange coming back to this blog. I had started it with the intention of building an online presence for myself that was active and placed me in the creator category rather than the passive viewer category I had been in for so long. I still sometimes think about continuing that idea and making that thought a reality but haven't quite found the courage or time to actually do so. . . maybe that will change in 2015.

As I sit on my bed under the covers in my pajamas with my wet hair in a towel typing this up with Top Chef on in another browser window while people outside celebrate NYE with fireworks, I can't help but think about everything that has happened this year.

Here are the biggest positive things that have happened this year:

1. Most notably, I was accepted to medical school. And not just one medical school, but two! That last sentence feels very strange for me to type because I am not one to brag about my own achievements, but I think considering how my college application process went I deserve to toot my own horn a little. Plus, knowing that two medical schools want me reminds me that this was not a fluke.
2. I made all As and A-s for a second semester in a row. This is a weird accomplishment to type because I had always made straight As growing up. I broke that streak, however, in high school and have since struggle to return to it. I'm glad that I finally was able to do so.
3. I was named MVP of my ResLife staff for the 2013-2014 school year. I realize that part of the work that went into this title was done in 2013, but like I mentioned earlier, I tend to think about years in terms of school years. Regardless, it was nice to be recognized by my fellow staff members after feeling so uncomfortable and undeserving on the RA position when I started out.
4. I have continued to build and strengthen relationships with people at my university. While this may seem like a small accomplishment in comparison to the other things on this list, this one is very important to me. Since transferring to my current university, I have felt alone and without many friends. I left some great friendships behind at my previous university, failed to keep in contact with them, and failed to keep in contact with my friends from high school. Especially considering some of the negative aspects of my 2014, this point makes me proud because it exemplifies how I continued to try and make best of my situation even though it hasn't and probably won't turn out the way I want.
5. I have started to become more comfortable with being alone and relying on myself. I guess you could say that I have always had to be self-reliant for my entertainment as an only child. However, I would spend a large part of the day either in school with my friends or in daycare with my friends. Therefore, while I have had to become comfortable with only having myself or my parents to entertain me when at home, I still had a lot of social time during the weekdays when away from home. This changed since moving and transferring. Now, I really only have myself to rely on for entertainment and that was a BIG adjustment for me. I'm used to having friends and lots of people to really talk to. Now, I don't have that as much, but now I'm starting to become okay with it.
6. I finally started to feel like an adult and didn't panic or fail. As I flew home for Winter Break, I realized that I had gotten on a plane and traveled at least once every month that I was back at school because of medical school interviews. My very first trip was the first time I had ever booked a flight, made a hotel reservation, and successfully made it to my destination and back entirely on my own. I was so nervous and worried about everything turning out the way I had planned so that when it did I was so proud of myself. Now I am more confident in my ability to be a functioning adult.

Here are the biggest negative things:

1. My parents and I have moved away from the place I called home for almost 14 years of my life. Moving isn't foreign to me; this most recent move was the fourth move for me. However, our previous location was definitely where we had spent the longest and I don't have many memories from the 3 prior locations. So this move was sad for me because it rendered me very alone. Immediately after transferring, I was very unhappy because I was having a really hard time meeting people and making friends. The one thing keeping me going was knowing that during long breaks, I would be able to see my friends from high school. This move took that away from me. So while I feel slightly better about how things are going at my current university, it still isn't the same.
2. I have never felt more alone, friendless, and unhappy than I did this year. This is fully related to negative thing #1 and a little contradictory to positive thing #5 but is very true. I initially spent the greater part of this year feeling this way. I had felt crummy after my first year at my current university, thought that was slowly changing after my second year at my current university, only to be brought back to a state of loneliness and unhappiness after ringing in 2014 without my friends. This only amplified during my summer break when I was stuck in a city I had only lived in for 3 weeks prior and had no idea where to go, what to do, how to get places, or any reason to do any of those things.

I really like thinking back on my year. I have never really been one to embrace the whole New Year, New You thing but I do appreciate self-reflection. While I initially thought 2014 was the worst year of my life so far, those two lists above prove me wrong. Maybe that feeling stems from the fact that we tend to dwell on the negatives in our life rather than the positives, but also has to do with the fact that those 2 items on my negative list overshadowed a vast majority of my 2014. Like I alluded to in negative item #2, I really only feel like my 2014 began to look-up in the last 3 months of the year.

Here's to 2015 and all that this year will bring!